Beyond Your Smiles are Tears
by immagina
Summary: Chiriko's thoughts about Nuriko during the fateful trip to Hokkan. Is Nuriko really that cheerful, happygolucky seishi to Chiriko? Finished! and PLEASE...r&r!
1. Prologue

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A/N::.. Konnichiwa, minna-san! It's been a while since I've written my last FY fanfic, ne? I just got hooked up to Tenchi Muyo for a while and wrote fics regarding the anime. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy reading this...I really hope it's worth it...hehe...it took me a while to gather my thoughts and finally type it. It's quite challenging to play with the youngest seishi's mind, isn't it? Now I know why authors seldom write a fic bout Chiriko...^^x. I wrote this for a change and let's just see the outcome from you, ne? Spoilers!! From Chiriko's POV. ..::  
  
Disclaimers::.. Standard disclaimers apply minna...the following characters mentioned are properties of Watase Yuu and her other colleagues ... so *don't* sue me, onegai...just sharin' a piece of my thoughts...^^x ..::  
  
Ok, enough with babblings!  
  
~*~  
  
Title: Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Author: chescaOtaku  
  
Status: ongoing  
  
Genre: very, very slight shounen ai (does the part even contain such?)  
  
Rating: G  
  
Part: Prologue/?  
  
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1 Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Prologue  
  
~*~  
  
The stillness of the night, joined together by the melodious silence of the ocean filled the entire place. The stars sparkled ever so brightly and the silver moon shined endlessly, revealing the beauty of the velvety black sky  
  
Another tough and exigent day passed.  
  
Everyone, except me, was asleep after encountering a battle between life and death in a middle of a storm, created by a Seiryuu Sichiseishi, Soi. The events of what happened were seared in my memory and I realized how dangerous this destiny I am faced with. It was my first time to face such inevitable peril that may end our lives.  
  
Fortunately, we survived.  
  
Thanks to Hotohori-sama's sword and to the strength each of us had that saved us. Then my thoughts drifted to a certain purple-haired seishi. Because of him, Miaka-san and Tamahome-san were saved. I really don't know how he managed to rescue them, but it was not important anymore, was it? What was essential was that, our miko and her lover was alive, well and unharmed.  
  
As I find my way back to my room in this boat, I stopped in front of the room door of Nuriko-san. My thoughts were suddenly filled by him and by what he had done. I opened the door slowly and gently, afraid of waking him. Then I caught a glimpse of his peaceful sleeping figure and gazed at it quickly. His chest, down to the rest of his body was covered with thick sheets. His chest moved up and down rhythmically and the steady sound of his breathing filled the room. Then I retreated and closed the door with the same gentleness and proceeded to my room. I lied myself in my bed, pulled up the thick blanket up to my shoulders and closed my eyes. Gradually, I recalled what happened when he jumped out of the boat and attempted to save Miaka-san and Tamahome-san. 


	2. Heroic Deeds

~*~  
  
Title: Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Author: chescaOtaku  
  
Status: ongoing  
  
Genre: very, very slight shounen ai (does the part even contain such?)  
  
Rating: G  
  
Part: 1/?  
  
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1 Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Chapter 1: Heroic Deeds  
  
~*~  
  
~flashback~  
  
The clear horizon enlightened by the bright, burning sun suddenly turned dark and tiny drops of rain poured down vertically. The raindrops pierced through my skin like tiny needles. Then the sky became darker, clouds became heavier and the rain worsened. A mixture of confusion and anxiety filled in everybody's face when they realized what was occurring. I began to panic as the waves of the sea became enormous and started to crash into the sides of the boat with full force. Things weren't easy as they should be.  
  
After doing some safety preparations, I heard the shout of other seishis as Tasuki-san fell into the hazardous waters. I was frightened at the sight, knowing that he can't swim. Then, our miko suddenly jumped out of the boat and dived into the sea before Tasuki-san was *captured* by the gigantic wave. Of course, Miaka-san can't do it all alone. Then, apparently, Tamahome-san did the same and swam swiftly to his koibito and companion. "Baka yaro!" I heard him shout.  
  
Then, after some moments of struggling, the red-haired seishi was saved, but Miaka-san and Tamahome-san were still trapped in the raging sea. We were still terrified for the condition of the two, but the sight that brought us to the edge was when he jumped.  
  
Nuriko-san jumped, in attempt of saving the miko and our companion. Yet, fate seemed to play a little more trick to us. When he paved his way to the two, an immense wave suddenly appeared above them and enveloped them. The rain still poured heavily and the fog made our vision blurred.  
  
We can't see any sight of them.  
  
  
  
Tears stung my eyes and threatened to fall, anytime. I then heard Tasuki- san screamed. His scream was full of guilt, and tears flowed down to his cheeks. "It's all my damn, fucking fault!!!" He shouted. Chichiri-san walked towards him and said, "Tasuki, it was not your fault, no da. Let's just hope for their safety. I know that a single wave can't get them, can it, no da?"  
  
Ah, Chichiri-san. Always full of hope and encouragement, ne? Then I put my hands up to my chest and prayed to Suzaku-sama that they may be safe. And that we may see them, soon.  
  
Very soon.  
  
Time had passed. Then, as if the heavens heard my prayer: They surfaced!  
  
I was washed over by relief and thanked Suzaku-sama they were safe. We helped them get in the boat and asked them if they were all right. They said, "Hai. Daijobou desu." Nuriko-san even smiled for assurance. Their clothes were soaked with water, so as their entire bodies. The three of them panted heavily, their breathing was ragged and sat almost immediately because of exhaustion.  
  
Yet, it looked like the girl-like seishi was the most exhausted, as if he was forced to finish some heavy load for the day. I even saw Miaka-san thanked him for what he done...and I noticed that she /blushed/.  
  
Perhaps, it was really an excellent job he made. Then he stared at his bracelets as if there was something going on there that he can't comprehend. Still, we knew, I knew that he accomplished something, that he did something… /noble/.  
  
~end, flashback~  
  
Ah, Nuriko-san. You're so mysterious, ne?  
  
I again opened my eyes and saw nothing but darkness. The part where Miaka- san thanked you and the way she blushed was deeply etched in my mind. The way you stared at your bracelets beheld so much mystery. Did something happen that we did not witness? Well, maybe something did. Still, that memory created one question that made me want to ask you.  
  
Indeed, you're a great and noble warrior.  
  
Demo… are you also like that, /inside/?  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
end, chapter 1  
  
~tbc~  
  
  
  
a/n:: whew… just some clarifications regarding the flashback part. Undoubtedly, it happened on the way to Hokkan , right? The flashback of events that occurred may not be /that/ accurate, for I cannot clearly remember what exact details took place, and since this is fiction… I have some right to add some twists, ne? So don't flame me onegai… another…You may wonder why the flashback part may not be as action packed as it was supposed to be. Remember that it's Chiriko's pov we are dealing with. And a child's perception is totally different from that of an adult, ne? That's why several clichés were present. Anywayz, please review!!! Chapter 2, coming up!!! ^_^x  
  
ja!! 


	3. Observations and Thoughts

~*~  
  
Title: Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Author: chescaOtaku  
  
Status: ongoing  
  
Genre: non-yaoi; general  
  
Rating: G  
  
Part: 2/3  
  
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1 Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Chapter 2: Observations and Thoughts  
  
~*~  
  
I wondered what was the time… maybe it was past ten in the evening or so. Still, a deep slumber seemed so far away from me. The question that popped out of my mind kept me awake. You never ceased to make me ponder, Nuriko- san.  
  
I can still recall the time when I first looked at your face… the mask you wore that you were a woman, a contented and jovial one who did nothing but flirt with Hotohori-sama, deceived… and intrigued me.  
  
Out of the six seishis, you intrigued me the most.  
  
Tamahome-san has a deep wound inside him when I observed him. Yet, I knew he tried his best to heal it by protecting and loving more Miaka-san. It was as if she was the only important person left in his life. I knew that the massacre of his family not so long ago made him do it. Still, his courage and love seemed to heal the wound little by little.  
  
Hotohori-san has also loneliness, but there was more yearning when I saw him. His actions told so. It was like he yearned for affection, yearned for love… and to be loved by someone. No wonder he acted differently and treated the miko with utter care… and love. Someday, I can feel it, he would get what he yearned.  
  
Chichiri-san was once, for me, the most enigmatic of us all, until last night, when he finally told me why he wore that happy mask. Maybe he sensed my curiosity about it.  
  
Now I know how hard it was for him to pretend to be happy all those years when he was deeply hurting inside. I saw his scar and I knew that it would always be a reminder of his bitter past. Yet, I sensed that his strength and presence of mind would turn it to a fateful past that helped him to be a better person.  
  
Hmm. Tasuki-san. Words aren't enough to describe his moodiness. One minute he hated women, then the next, he would do anything to keep our miko safe. His obnoxiousness and loudness maybe an irony of what he really felt. Well, what do you expect from bandits? Hot-tempered as they may be, but that hotness can melt any stoned heart, ne?  
  
Our doctor, Mitsukake-san, was quite an observant too. Quiet as he was, but I knew, like all of us, was hiding something too. I just can't figure it out yet for adults were hard to comprehend with. But, when I looked into his eyes once, I saw grief. And maybe that grief was enough to explain his actions. Maybe his healing was one way to erase it.  
  
Then you, Nuriko-san. You were like a maze that needed a great deal of thinking and strategy to get out. You wore a mask more inscrutable than that of Chichiri-san.  
  
So I started to observe you more… know you little by little.  
  
Most of us saw how your aura illuminated your whole body whenever you were excited or made fuss about something, but we knew, and I am certainly aware that beneath that glittering aura, beneath those smiles and cheerfulness you displayed, laid loneliness you possessed and unwept tears you shed. I tried to examine and decipher the ambiguity you beheld. Why did you voice sounded so feminine and you body was built like that of a woman, yet you're a man, a Suzaku Sichiseishi? Though I am nothing to you but a plain comrade and child, I tried my best to fit in and understand your /world/, a world full of labyrinth and blurred images of your hidden past.  
  
And so I searched deeper and found a certain element evident in your crystalline lavender eyes that made up most of your identity –  
  
/Loneliness/… a feeling… that I knew, somehow, we /both/ share.  
  
And beside that loneliness were sparkles of the tears you shed, whenever you were alone, and whenever you shadow covered you face. Don't worry; don't be afraid, for you were not the only one who was like that.  
  
I was—no, /am/, too.  
  
But I guess yours was far deeper, painful than that I feel. I was able to see betrayal, pain, loss of hope and solitude that resulted to your silent crying and shedding of tears when you thought no one noticed you. You covered it all up by some /genuine/ and /sexy/ smile, as you put it. However, that smile didn't seem to fit your eye expression.  
  
Remember, smiles may deceive you, eyes may mislead you—but they never lie.  
  
"Heh…" you may reply.  
  
Doshite? For I am nothing but a child in you eyes, Nuriko-san. I have always thought about things more than a child and went beyond what one displayed and went into what he possessed.  
  
Well, maybe my observations and thoughts were not as accurate as what you really hide from us… but that's what I saw in you, even if I had known all of you, especially you, for only a very short span of time. That was why I really wanted to ask you that certain question. But, knowing you, I guess I wouldn't get a straight answer, ne? Perhaps, no matter how hard I tried to deliberate and contemplate about the real you, vagueness would still be present. And I wouldn't get in.  
  
For it would be beyond my realm.  
  
  
  
~*end, chapter 2*~  
  
~tbc~  
  
  
  
  
  
a/n: whew… there it is… quite challenging, huh? ^_^ but I'm glad I was able to finish it quickly. Last chapter, coming up!! (quite long for a POV fic, ne?) r&r!! 


	4. Epilogue: Understandings

~*~  
  
Title: Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Author: chescaOtaku  
  
Status: finished! (finally!)  
  
Genre: non-yaoi; general  
  
Rating: G  
  
Part:3/3  
  
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1 Beyond Your Smiles Are Tears  
  
Epilogue: Understandings  
  
~*~  
  
The sun's rays crested upon my face and rose into the horizon and signaled another morning, another day. The massive, dark sky turned into myriad shades of red, then it turned into orange, into a breathtaking shade of yellow and finally lightened up, revealing its true beauty. Indeed, nature /is/ wonderful, mystifying… and full of vagueness.  
  
Just like you, Nuriko-san. .  
  
I wondered what time I slept last night and how long it took me to gather my thoughts about you. The question that was created in my mind lingered until the moment I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep.  
  
  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Chiriko-chan!!"  
  
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a familiar, sweet girl-like voice greeted me good morning. As I looked unto my side to verify that it was you, I noticed some dried traces of tears from your pale, ivory cheeks. Did you have a bad dream last night? Hmm… I don't think so. I was awake longer than you were. I should have heard it somehow… I guess it was your /silent/ crying, ne?  
  
I looked at you again and I figured out something… I saw before.  
  
Your smile /still/ didn't fit the expression of your eyes. I controlled myself and kept my mouth shut from spilling words in front of you, that somehow, later, I might—no, surely would regret. So instead, I smiled in return and greeted you in the same manner and thought of a nice topic that we can talk about.  
  
"It seems like a beautiful day ahead, ne?"  
  
"Hai, hai, Chiriko!! I'm looking forward to it!"  
  
I refused to meet your gaze after you said those words. I just hoped that you really meant what you said and the smile you wore was /real/. Then, after some moments, an idea came through me.  
  
"So, Nuriko-san, why don't you come with me to join the others? I'm sure they are waiting for us."  
  
"Wakatte yo. Ikuzo, ne?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
After we ate breakfast, I again headed to my room and prepared my things. The island of Hokkan was very visible and we would go there soon. Just before I go to Chichiri-san's room with my things, I caught a sight of you looking up at the sky. You seemed distant.  
  
As I headed to Chichiri-san's room, I pondered /again/, about you… hopefully, for the last time today.  
  
I wondered, that, if someday, you would be aware of what I perceive about you. Then, if you would ask me about it, all I can say is that:  
  
"I can perceive the loneliness you conceal and tears you hide…"  
  
Maybe you would give me a glance of confusion… then understanding, and finally, acceptance.  
  
Don't worry, for I /am/ also lonely as you /are/, I longed and still long for a mother's touch and a quiet affection of a family. I was separated from them since I was small... and maybe /permanently/ separated from them because of my destiny.  
  
You may have other definition of the feeling we experience...I don't know...but I wish to. I hoped and still hoping someday you would open up to me so I can help you, and I can be an oniichan you never had, and you will be my oniisan in return.  
  
Someday, I know.  
  
But for now, all I can understand and attain from you is, /beyond your smiles...are tears./  
  
With that, I entered the blue-haired seishi's room to discuss some things we would encounter and accomplish this day.  
  
~*Owari*~  
  
  
  
a/n::. Wai…finally…after a long, hideous time… gomen ne, if the last chapter seemed…rushed. I would like to say thanks for those few people who went all the way from prologue to here… Very seldom people read a fic about Chiriko, ne? Anywayz, I hope, you will review this…I really beg you…/sigh/…  
  
c&c are really wanted!!! (although flames will be ridiculed at…) ^_^  
  
ja!! Until next time! 


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